Signs reportedly seen around town:

At the optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the waiting room of the veterinary clinic:
"Be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On the butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."

In a cafeteria:
"Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

On the wall in the bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

On the door to the hospital's maternity ward:
"Push, Push, Push."

On the taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

On the front door of a house:
"Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

And similarly, on a fence:
"Salesmen welcome! (Dog food is expensive.)"

At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a payment."

At the electric company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

Outside the radiator repair shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left.
Just thought you'd like to know."

On the side of a garbage truck:
"We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

On a dry cleaner's front window:
"We hope you'll drop your pants here."

In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry! Come in and get fed up."

In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Please drive carefully - we'll be happy to wait for you."

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